How a group trip helped me find hope in the turmoil of grief

You know when you have one of those absolutely bizarre times in your life where nothing seems to make sense and you desperately need a reset? For me, that was 2023. 

Earlier in the year, I made a hard decision to switch jobs into a new industry in a completely different environment. That was actually a relatively easy one. Then came my break up with my then-partner while I simultaneously planned to take destiny into my own hands with egg freezing (as you can imagine, a break up paired with preparing for a future family can be heartbreaking, to say the least). To top it off, I moved my home for the third time within a year, moving out of my place in Brooklyn, New York, all while both parents were admitted in and out of the hospital. It was a lot. Therapy twice a week was sometimes in order.

I hit my limit. I knew something had to change

By far the worst thing that happened that year was to do with my Mum. She had been diagnosed with Parkinson’s a few years before, and with COVID-19 still pervasive in New York City, her health took a sudden rapid decline. The diagnosis seemed to come out of the blue, while we were busy worrying about my dad’s brutal chronic health conditions.

People who aren’t familiar with the illness can’t imagine how intense it is to watch a loved one struggle with Parkinson’s. My Mum was in so much pain – physically, barely able to perform basic activities for herself, and psychologically and emotionally, as dementia started to onset. 

While people around me were starting families, I was immersed in a different kind of caregiving role. Witnessing my Mum’s suffering minute by minute, the days blurred together, and it felt like I was being sucked into a void. In September 2023, my Mum passed away. Soon after, I endured a concussion, and it was at that point that I hit my limit. I knew something had to change. 

As an adult, I’ve solo travelled quite a bit, starting at the age of 19. I’ve been everywhere from Australia to the Caribbean and the Middle East alone. And I’ve often used these journeys to help me feel inspired when I’ve found myself going through a difficult time (e.g. burnout at work, or navigating my life purpose, my quarter-life crisis, if you will).

I knew instinctively that I needed to take time out, in a place and culture that felt totally different, that would spark all of my senses in a new and hopefully inspiring way. Given what I’d been through, I also craved some of the comforts that come with group travel, not needing to plan much myself. An adventure-loving friend of mine recommended Flash Pack and I booked the Vietnam and Cambodia trip at random – I just wanted to be somewhere else.

The decision turned out to be fateful in a number of ways. Firstly, the people in my group had a similar energy to me. I’m not going to lie, I felt anxious about that beforehand. Spending two weeks travelling with strangers is a bit like starting college. You want to be yourself, but you’re also full of nerves and excitement. There’s this need to show up well and get along with everyone. Plus, the additional layer of experiencing a new country together. 

From the outset, it felt like our group had shared values. I’m sure there’s a specific type of person that chooses to go on these trips. We were all fairly calm, inquisitive and eager to lend a hand, whether it be on a hike or cooking a meal. We all had an interest in meeting people from different backgrounds and cultures. Many of us were used to doing our own thing, travel-wise, too, some having travelled with Flash Pack in the past. 

From the outset, it felt like our group had shared values

I particularly hit it off with two fellow travellers: Caroline – another North American with a similar background to my own – and Rocky from the United Kingdom. Growing up as a South Asian person in my neighborhood, I was not very exposed to other people from my own cultural background. So it was really powerful that Rocky not only shared my South Asian heritage but he also came from Punjab, the exact same region of India as my own family. 

In fact, the first day of our trip happened to fall on Vaisakhi, which marks the beginning of the New Year in Punjab. I remember saying to Rocky, “I don’t know if you celebrate, but Happy Vaisakhi.” He responded in kind, which immediately felt very comforting and familiar. 

We started the trip with a street food tour of Hanoi – pure fun and delicious! There was a type of electric energy in the air. We were surrounded by live music, droves of people walking and scootering around, and Vietnamese food galore, eating authentic dishes made right in front of us as we sat on tiny chairs spread across the pavement. 

Enjoying fresh fruit and mouth-watering pho at one of the oldest hole-in-the-wall shops, I was immediately nudged out of my comfort zone… exactly what I had hoped for. But, thankfully, we were also guided by Phat, our brilliant Pack leader to make sure we weren’t completely in unknown territory off to fend for ourselves. 

Halong Bay was incredible. On the night of our boat trip, Phat shared his very impressive karaoke skills when suddenly a crazy thunderstorm broke out. Looking out across the sea with nothing but limestone karsts all around us, and lightning in the air, I was blown away by the majestic spectacle of it all. It was an unforgettable evening. 

I also loved the coastal city of Hoi An: the lantern-lit alleyways and boats floating along the canal were straight out of a romantic storybook. We co-designed dresses made by the town’s legendary tailors, known for their numerous fabrics and for creating custom designs overnight. We stepped into the shop at 7pm one evening, and like magic, by 1pm the next day, I was wearing my kimono-style dress I designed myself. 

I was blown away by the majestic spectacle of Halong Bay

Like all great adventures, some of the best moments were unscripted. When we were in Hoi An, Rocky and I snuck in a sunrise trip to the iconic Golden Bridge on Mount Panama. The architectural landmark, which is crafted around two giant Buddha hands, is thought to project a sense of protection and comes with spectacular views over the surrounding countryside. 

It’s not included on the Flash Pack itinerary because it can get very touristy. But Rocky and I managed to beat the crowds by getting there at 6am in the morning. I took a moment to think about my Mum. We lit incense and said a prayer at a Buddhist temple there. It was really beautiful: I was so grateful to have made the trip.

Our adventure ended in Cambodia at the temple kingdom of Angkor Wat; often thought of as the 8th Wonder of the World. This mainly Buddhist spiritual monument was originally built by a Hindu king in dedication to Vishnu – the Hindu god associated with cycles of birth and death. 

In Hinduism, there’s a belief that the soul travels through sixteen stops on its journey before reaching peace. And so, every month since my Mum passed, I would go to the temple to honour her spirit and pray to Vishnu. Her six month anniversary since her passing happened to fall in April 2024, when I was in Cambodia at Angkor Wat. I didn’t even know about the Hindu history of the place, or its link to Vishnu, at the time I booked the trip. But it turned out to be a very special moment of serendipity for me. 

Our Cambodian guide, Buntry, who was aware of the milestone, arranged for us to do a prayer at one of Angkor Wat’s Buddhist temples. A monk recited a mantra for the peace of my Mum’s soul while our group lit candles, honoring our own individual prayers. We were all given homemade thread bracelets, too, a symbol for the bond of unity and compassion between the giver and the wearer, or the monk and us – I still have mine now.

Later, on my last day in Cambodia, Rocky and I walked together to another Buddhist temple near to where we were staying in Siem Reap. There are altars everywhere in Cambodia, and this one looked closed at first. But then we met a monk via our Tuk-Tuk driver, and he opened the temple especially for us. It happened to also be the day closest to the anniversary of my Mum’s passing. I cried during that temple ritual, feeling overwhelmed by this occasion, our trip and the company I was blessed to be with. 

Everything in life somehow happens the way it’s supposed to – and my trip to Vietnam and Cambodia was no exception. What are the chances that I’d end up travelling with Rocky, who – like me – had booked the Flash Pack trip on a whim, at very short notice? We formed a real connection, filled with laughter and vulnerability. The adventure was the inspiration I needed, at a point when my life felt out of control. I found a lot of comfort in other people I could gravitate towards, and in the setting itself.

Everything in life somehow happens the way it’s supposed to

Earlier in my life, my Mum visited me when I was studying abroad in Melbourne, Australia. Afterwards, she wrote to me, saying, “You bring your baby into this world, and then one day, your baby shows you the world.” I like to think that – with my leap into the unknown in Southeast Asia – I continued that circularity between my Mum and I, in this wonderful, beautiful world of ours.

Shikha Mittal (IG: nycsheekcoach) is an experience designer and therapeutic coach based in New York City. She travelled with Flash Pack to Vietnam and Cambodia.