I promised Dad I’d live a beautiful life. His death inspired me to find joy

There were a lot of reasons why I went on my first group solo trip to Thailand, but my Dad was definitely one of them. Even when he was very sick, he encouraged me to travel and live my life. 

Throughout much of my 20s and 30s, I dreamt of traveling the world. But I kept putting it off. I thought that I’d wait until I got married and go with my husband. Then I turned 40 and my Dad passed away – everything happened at once. I realised that I’d been putting my life on hold, and I was determined not to waste anymore time. 

I dreamt of traveling the world. But I kept putting it off

I’d never been to Asia before and I loved the idea of island-hopping in Thailand. The notion of doing something totally different, in an unknown culture, was so appealing. When I booked Flash Pack’s 10-day escape to Phuket and the Andaman Coast, I was all excited – but as the trip drew closer, I started to get nervous. I thought, “Oh my gosh, what if I don’t get along with these people? That could ruin the whole trip!”

Our group ended up being all women, which I was apprehensive about to begin with. Yet from the moment we met for welcome drinks in Khao Lak, I had a good feeling. Just sitting around the table and hearing people’s voices, getting a sense of their personalities, I knew everyone would be cool. 

One moment early on in the trip defined this camaraderie. It was day three and we were sailing on a traditional longtail boat to a nearby beach called Khao Na Yak cape. But then it rained so hard, the area had flooded and we couldn’t access it. We were just hanging about deciding what to do, when, suddenly, our guide took off his poncho and leapt into the water – rain and all.

One by one, we all jumped in and joined him. Soon enough, the entire group was in the water, swimming in the mangroves amid the downpour. Physically, I’m usually a very self-conscious person. I’m a little bit overweight and I’m always very tall compared to others. But, somehow, that moment gave us permission not to worry about how we looked in our own skin..

The bond we shared was magical. We all embraced the moment

Some people were more confident swimmers than others, too. I used to be a lifeguard so I helped a few other women along. And it was magical. From there on, no-one in our group sat out on anything. Even if they didn’t feel like jumping in the water, there were right there with us, laughing and just being a part of the fun. Collectively, we embraced that feeling of, “When in Rome”. No matter what happened, we just went for it. We weren’t going to let a rainy day get in the way of squeezing every last ounce out of the trip. And it was the greatest adventure because of that mindset. 

Another highlight for me was just after we’d hiked to the top of a mountain in Krabi’s Koh Hong archipelago, with stunning 360° views. Afterward, we hopped back into our boat to visit a hidden lagoon. As we emerged from the channel into the cove area, the setting blew me away – it was quintessential Thailand, with rich green water and jungle peaks all around. It just looked and felt like everything I had possibly imagined that the day trip to the islands would be. As we arrived, there was one boat that was leaving, so it was just us and our boat in the middle of this spectacular cove. The water was calm and it was so quiet, you could hear the birds chirping. 

The people of Thailand were so generous and kind, too. I got a really welcoming feeling. For example, after our Batik art masterclass, we visited a seafood cafe by the sea in Phang Nha Bay. We tried everything from blue noodles to soft-shell crab and spicy fish curry. 

The dishes were packed with flavor and the people running the place were so friendly and excited to see us. I thought, “Man, I’m sitting here, like, eating the best Thai food I’ve ever had in my life, with the water lapping up on the shore.” It was pretty spectacular. 

After losing my Dad, the trip gave me something joyful to focus on

We had a busy trip but we found moments to sit back and reflect, too. I remember one time I got to sit in the water off Koh Yao Yai island, watching this fantastic sunset. There was no pressure to rush it and I truly basked in the moment. It was a moment that stayed with me. 

Our Pack Leader, Amy, was another piece to the trip that made it incredible. She knew everything and everyone, and she treated us like members of her family. Even when we had free time in the evenings, she had recommendations on where to eat, or which markets to visit. They were all really local, so we got this phenomenal insight into the Thai way of life on the islands.

On our final day, another Flashpacker and I decided to get a tattoo to mark the trip. Even in the tattoo parlour, Thailand’s culture of kindness was very much present – the artists there were so happy to help us, and they did lovely work. I had a design that read “beautiful life”, although a man we met in the studio explained that, in Thai, it would be pronounced “life is beautiful”. 

That really affected me because it’s what I’d said to my Dad, right before he passed away. I leaned close to his ear and I said, “Dad I’m gonna live a life that you’d be proud of. I’m going to do everything I set my mind to,” I want to live a beautiful life for him, and my trip to Thailand was one of the first steps towards doing that; it pushed me in the right direction.

I know Dad would be proud to see me traveling the world

I’d never traveled so far alone before; I stepped out of my comfort zone in a big way. But they say, “Leap and the net will appear”. I did so, and the result was better than I ever could have imagined. I never would have thought that I’d connect that much with my fellow travelers, or that my experience of Thailand and its people would be so magnificent. The trip gave me the confidence to take risks, which is vital in my job as an actor and writer. I feel I may now say “yes” to projects when once I would have said, “what the hell am I thinking?”

It’s also made me feel less alone. Everyone on the trip was in a really good place. Some of us were still searching for that special someone, or wanting kids. But we’d also found some kind of contentment with where we’re at. We shared that mentality of, “This is where I am right now, so let’s just enjoy the ride!”

Grief is something that never leaves you, your life just grows bigger around it. But Thailand gave me something joyful to focus on, and that helped me not hurt so much. I know my Dad would have been happy to see me do it. He would love to hear my stories and see the photos – he’d even tried my Thai cooking. I know he’d be proud to see me seeing the world, doing a solo trip and drinking up every moment life has to offer.

Chelsea Restall is an actor and writer who lives in the city of Airdrie, Canada. She traveled with Flash Pack to Thailand.